Saturday, June 9, 2012

Guilty as charged?

Reporter: These here within are the official minutes of the most recent proceedings.

The scene:  Quilt High Court
The Judges:  The Honorable Ms. Moda, King Kaufman, High Priest Henry, Magistrate Miller, Father Free Spirit, Reverend RJR and Barrister Benartex.
The Prosecutor:  Mr. Norman Stuffshirt, Esquire
 The Defendant:  Yours truly

Prosecutor: Your honors, the Defendant is accused of not ever washing any of the quilts she has made so far. Not one of them has had the final step of being made all soft and cozy completed. She has been derelict in her duties of being a finisher. 

Me: In my own defense, I have the following arguments to put forth:

     *I have 2 small children that keep me busy and I am lucky to get any time to sew at all most weeks.  No one can disagree that family must always come first no matter what.
     *One said child nicknamed Jammer was so impatient to actually put his Sound the Alarm quilt on his bed to snuggle under that I barely got to snip the thread on the last binding stitch before he whisked it away.
*Younger child known as Sunshine also was very impatient about receiving her completed Loving Sunshine quilt but so as to be able to call it "Mines" and not because she actually wanted to use it which to date she has not done. Her temper is so nasty that I desperately don't want to bring on her wrath unnecessarily by taking it away when she isn't looking.

*I returned to work, although part time last October, and between that and now having a much bigger house to maintain, my To Do List is forever long and I'm never getting caught up. The kidlets have a play room but still insist on bringing practically everything from there into the Great Room where I step on (mostly cars) or have to navigate around just to walk in there. Good cleaner-up-ers they are not (and therefore that job falls to me).
*I will also admit that I've been a big huge chicken. Petrified in fact. I love my finished quilts and I'm scared to death of the colors running and ruining them. I've heard about those things called Color Catchers that are supposed to help and I did actually buy some but because having clean undies is way more important and required than having soft quilts, those must take precedence in the laundry schedule.
*So I plead Guilty as Charged and ask mercy of this esteemed court. I hope the honorable and respected judges take my circumstances into account when deciding my sentence.

See there your Honors, she admits her guilt publicly. She has no defense, Her arguments are not relevant to this case. Her circumstances are no different for every other quilter in this world and should not be considered during your deliberations. I rest my case!

Reporter: The judges whisper amongst themselves for a very long time. They scan through many official quilting books while glance up at the accused now and again. Head nods of agreement and shakes of disagreement can be seen by the audience. The Prosecutor looks smug and assured of the verdict and the Defendant seems genuinely remorseful.

Chief Judge: This court has considered all the evidence and the accused's own statements, consulted the bibles of quilting and have taken into account our own experiences. While we certainly don't condone her behavior, we have to acknowledge that she is not a seasoned sewer and is still learning the ways and laws of this profession. Each judge on this panel had to admit that we were in her shoes ourselves in the beginning. So this Quilt High Court hereby states the Defendant is indeed Guilty as Charged but with Extenuating Circumstances and therefore is sentenced to immediately remediation of the situation along with 100 hours of house arrest sewing service in her studio, to be served as her family responsibilities allow.  Mr Prosecutor, while we know that you are inclined to seek out and try every quilter for this breach of quilting etiquette, we gently remind you to tread lightly. This is meant to be fun for all and we will never grow and expand our club membership if you are constantly scaring the bejesus out of everyone by bringing them up on charges before this court.

Reporter: Stay tuned America to hear the Prosecutor and Defendant's reactions to the verdict and as well as further investigation by this news seeker if she has indeed reformed her ways and is here on out correctly following in the footsteps of hundreds of quilters before her.

5 of you added your own colorful comments:

Samantha said...

LOL! Trust me, whenever I have white or ivory fabric in anything I make I am scared half to death to wash it the first time as well.... and I always, without fail, prewash my fabrics to make sure they don't run.

I think I'm going to get some of those color catchers too. Better safe than sorry huh?

Annie said...

I too always prewash my fabrics but sometimes they still want to run a bit, so I always include a color catcher when I do wash them as a whole quilt. BUT, I do not wash them after completing the sewing. I like the way they look right from the sewing machine, so I don't wash them until they need it. And even then I don't put them in the dryer. I lay them out to dry. I guess I'll be going to court! LOVED this post, Michele! So funny! You're a good story writer.

DaisyChain said...

I don't think you need to feel the slightest bit guilty. Day to day life comes first and your quilts will get washed when they need it, anyway. Funny post!

Jen said...

Haha! Love it! I wonder what I would be brought to quilt court for. Mismatched points, definitely, and cheating during quilting. I never know what to do with mt starts and stops :)

edyB said...

If the Quilt Police show up over here, I'll just offer them tea and cake and keep them the heck away from my studio!!! 8-)

Color catchers help, but most fabric I prewash ~ just in case.
Loved your story, Michele!